My cup runneth over…

…so I’m going to get a bigger cup. I’m not knocking the biblical verse, I’m just saying that I think I’m going to change how I look at it.

Originally, this snippet of Psalm 23, was introduced into common speech to indicate that one has been so blessed with good happenings, that he or she was overjoyed. Often, it also feels like the person is a little incredulous at his or her good luck.

I have more than I need.

Absolutely. I have a roof over our heads, food on the table, and I have four intelligent, compassionate, hilarious and healthy kids who actually think I’m an alright person most of the time. I have to highlight “healthy,” because (for those of you who followed the seizure episodes) I received exhale-inducing news yesterday. Following the baby’s second seizure, it was suggested that we get an EEG to rule out any underlying seizure disorder. We did that last week, and yesterday morning I got a call from our doctor telling me there was no indication of abnormal brain function. Pretty great timing, as I could think of nothing to be more thankful, than the health of my kids.

I am loved more than I expected.

Duh. Never could have planned for the Serial Killer. He certainly came out of left field. But, now that I’m willing to be a conspirator, I am really enjoying the ride. This old dog was in need of some new tricks – like allowing the universe to throw good juju in the shape of a super sexy younger guy at my door – and keeping him.

I am, generally speaking, very happy.

For the first time in – maybe EVER, I am pretty content with my life overall. You know right before you fall asleep, when all of your thoughts are racing around your brain like a cyclone, competing to be one who gets your last conscious energy?

My whole life those thoughts have brought me anxiety and stress; insomnia is a familiar bedfellow. What bill is coming up? How am I supposed to get to the dance recital when I am scheduled to work? Did I really volunteer for that field trip? I definitely never looked over that homework my daughter needed tomorrow…how much dog food is left?

Now, I still have the ever-growing-ever-evolving list of stuff I have to do, but I’m also extremely excited for the good things that keep getting thrown in the mix. I don’t feel like I have the authority to predict all of the good things, but if they are half as amazing as the last year has brought, I have every right to be excited.

So here’s why I’m getting a bigger cup: I want more. Of all of it. If my cup runneth over, then there’s plenty I should be catching instead of letting it pour all over the table like the milk that gets spilled every single meal with kids. I refuse to be incredulous that I deserve even that cup, let alone the excess, should that cup runneth over.

Sure, I have what I need and more. That’s some pretty self-limiting determination of worth.

I am loved more than I expected, very true. However, historically I haven’t exactly kept that bar very high. Everyone deserves to be loved. I am very happy. But, is there a ceiling on happiness? Do we get to a certain level of happy and then that’s all she wrote? Like most ceilings, that’s also very restrictive, and I think I should break it.

I am so grateful for this world of mine. I have great kids, a serial killer….overall happiness. But at this Thanksgiving, as I hope you all do as well, raise the bar. Be better for yourself and your family by expecting more for yourself. Not OF yourself, but FOR yourself. We can only give others what we allow for ourselves, so it works out for everyone.

So, Happy Thanksgiving to you. May we all get bigger cups.


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